John Stamos Savagely Calls Out Childhood Bully’s “Small” Penis On ‘The Drew Barrymore Show’

John Stamos just put his childhood bully on blast in the most unhinged way possible. While chatting with Drew Barrymore, the Full House actor savagely called out his former nemesis’ “small” penis.

On this morning’s episode of The Drew Barrymore Show, Stamos — who was promoting his new book If You Would Have Told Me — opened up about the driving force behind his fame.

According to Stamos, he was a “dorky” kid in the marching band who liked “puppets and magic” when he found out a girl from his school had a crush on him. However, when he spilled the beans to everyone at the town block party and the word got back to the girl’s “jock” boyfriend, he ended up getting punched in the face.

“It was so humiliating, so awful. I had to walk around with this black eye. I’ll never forget, I went into the bathroom and he wrote, ‘I’m gonna kill you, big nose,'” Stamos recalled. “My heart stopped and I said, ‘I have to do something. I have to do something dramatic and drastic here. I gotta become famous.’ And I did.”

From that point on, Stamos knew he had to “get on TV” and play music with the Beach Boys — two things he’s been doing effortlessly for decades. The star even confessed to having visions of inviting his assailant to his concerts and having his bodyguards beat him up backstage.

While he said “none of that happened” because he has since “matured” and “let it go,” he admitted that he would still like to run into his bully someday.

“I’d say, ‘Hey man, thank you. You did a lot for me. You really propelled me.’ And then I’d walk away and say, ‘Thank you very much,'” he explained. “Then I would stop. And I’d say, ‘Oh, by the way. You know that girlfriend? I dated her for about two years and she said you had a small [censored].'”

I suppose it’s fair to say that Stamos had no mercy on his former bully.

The Drew Barrymore Show airs on weekdays on CBS. You can check the website for local airtimes.